Five Year Plans

"They" say that people who write down their goals and steps to achieve them are considerably more successful than those who just rely on remembering their goals.  Do you ever wonder if this really makes a difference? Does having a five year plan really matter? If we are focused on the end-goal, what happens to all of the time in between? To be cliche`, are we missing out on the journey just to get to a destination? 

If you look up goal setting, you'll find SMART Theory - specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound (Dr. Edwin Locke). Most goal setting comes back to this practice, with some small variations. Clarity, complexity, challenge all come into play. Feedback is key too, which relates to a recent Wired article about the brain.   

It really comes down to your mindset about motivation, purpose and sense of self.  It seems plausible that you'd be more inclined to write down goals that you are actually interested in achieving. According to Timothy A. Pychy's article, "Don't Delay: Understanding Procrastination and How to Achieve Our Goals", our perception of the difficulty to achieve the goal is reduced by our increased interest level in the topic. The hard part of this is really figuring out what is interesting to you as an individual. And deciding how to keep the goal present in your daily routine. We need regular reminders about what we want, where we are going, how to get there and the reasons to keep going.  

It brings to mind a statement about yoga being a practice - yoga practice not yoga perfect. Take the time to be present and aware. Live in the moment as you want to be in the future. Be clear. Find challenging interests. Celebrate the success you find along the way. 

 

 

Street Poetry

I took this poetry writing workshop over a decade ago, and one of the useful things I learned was a techniques called street poetry. It requires paying attention to your surroundings and tuning in to what folks are saying.  Sometimes there are really great snippets, and other times it is hard to find anything worth listening in on.  You take all of these bits and pieces, and try to make poetry.  Give it a try.

Mistrust of instructors was the other nugget of knowledge from that workshop - the dude said he'd critique our poems and give suggestions on getting publish. Instead, he collected a bunch of our work and never gave it back. I've been on the lookout for a few of my pieces ever since...

Point is, I encountered a variety of statements over the weekend. I wasn't really sure what to do with them.  A random collection of thoughts is all we really have most days. Here's mine for what it's worth.

"So, I told this homeless guy. You should give me money because your net worth is probably greater than mine. I'm like -$435,000."

"He's such a good kid, I just want to take him home with me."

"I'm going through some mental health things of my own."

"Thanks for taking the time to connect the dots like that for me."

"Stupid people. There are just so many stupid people."

"That's great. You walk in and I'm touching my breast."

"Did you see xkcd?"

"Wuve u."

Capacitor.

As in Flux Capacitor. You know, from Back to the Future...Michael J. Fox...the oh-so-cool DeLorean. Either way, when I mentioned the name of my blog to my partner, this is what he said to me, "Flux? Flux capacitor?" It took me a moment to realize what he was referencing. I did eventually figure it out.  I told you I was married to a machine lush.  

This movie memory reinforced that men and women do seem to think about the world differently. We may get to the same place eventually, but the path that we take is often very different. (There is much to write on this subject, but I'll leave that for another time.) It also made me think about the phrase - Back to the Future.  We often define ourselves as independent women, capable of multitudes, but relapse into old roles with certain people. Think about it. Do you act a certain way around current friends versus friends from college (or even high school)? Do you resort to your teen/young adult ways around particular family members? (Think back to last Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanuka - whichever) When you are in these situations do you feel like Marty McFly? Desparate to find a way to transport yourself back to the future?  Are you looking for Doc Brown to arrive out of no where to rescue you?

I believe in a lot of science, but the chance of a plutonium-powered sports car appearing to carry you away is slim. Very slim. There is a higher likelihood that you can do something about the situation alone or with support from people who care about you.  It often comes down to how prepared you are to manage these situations. Reverting to certain roles is often a safety mechanism. A comfort zone. We know what works with certain people and groups, so we stick with it. Even when it does not work for us. Personal ideals and traits may sink into the background. Enduring is not living a fulfilled life.  Maybe we need to learn from Marty, and do something to intervene in the past so we can make the future better.

Do something different. Be yourself.

Just don't name any of your children Biff. Really. Biff?

 

In the Zone

Due to illness, I am spending a lot of time at home on my couch with my computer. This is great in some ways, but dreadful in others. It's giving me time to think, really think. About my life. Priorities. Goals. Decorating my living room. Finishing the t-shirt quilt I started over two years ago. What is it like to be the street sweeper? Why do we need so much stuff to feel "good"? And a million other things that are mostly trivial and few that are worth exploring more.  

To try and find purpose in my surfing, I read more about FLUX.  I discovered that in psychology, the term is related to FLOW.  This term was established by a Hungarian guy, try to say this three times really fast - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Did you try? Besides his crazy name, he is recognized for his study of HAPPINESS and CREATIVITY.  The basic idea is that a person can become so immersed in their thoughts and actions related to one subject that nothing else around them really matters.  Something like "completely focused motivation."

I relate this to being on the rugby field when I was so involved in a match that the surrounding sounds, fans, coaches, everything outside of the touchlines was non-existent. Only the people on that field mattered. There was a clear goal. We had a good sense of our challenges and skills. Knowing the other team - knowing myr teammates.   "Clear & immediate feedback" was a given. Balls were passed & kicked; caught or dropped. You were tackled or made it into space. You scored. They scored. Or defense prevailed. 

Dr. C. wasn't really the first person to describe this state of being. Eastern thinkers were all over this stuff a long time ago - Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zen, meditation, yoga practice, Mayan temples, Greek astrology  ---you get the drift. 

So, how do we as women bring this to our everyday life? Even to just a part of our daily to-do list. What are your priorities? Are your goals clear? Do those goals match the parts of life that help you to feel happy and creative? How do you get feedback? Is it immediate? Do you pay attention to it? Let's find FLOW.

 

The only constant...

Everyone says that the only constant we know in life is change. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/anthony_j_dangelo.html

We start learning life as little girls, hit the puberty minefield, develop a sense of who we are in our 20s, only to reinvent in our 30s. Every decade brings fabulous experiences, heartbreaks, realities of being employed in a male-defined world of work, reaching or missing society's defined milestones - degrees, careers, marriage, children...successes are met with loss. Celebrations are countered by grief. We are pressured to do great work in all of our roles with or without support.  Sometimes these demands come from inside - our own internal locus of control - other times it comes from all of the external influences. Is anyone hearing their parents' voices in their head? How about your boss? Maybe a partner or your child?


Women are often putting everyone and everything ahead of our own needs. How do you keep balance in your life? What helps you to overcome the guilt? What do you need during a time of transition? How do you embrace the flux?